Presidential Elections Part 5 - The Conclusion.

So since I was out of town for most of the past week, I was unable to continue campaigning. I was still able to garner roughly 15% of the vote. For a Presidential run that didn't get off the boards until halfway through the first day of voting, on a ballot I wasn't even listed, in a school where too many people are too hippie to hate Canada, I'd say I did fairly well.

I've also had a few people notify that I actually offended some folks. Some at the whole concept of a mock campaign, and some because I mocked Canada. The complaint as reported to me, "If that was a Mexican flag being crossed out, people would be pissed." Well, it wasn't a Mexican flag. It was a Canadian flag. It's big, white, and boring. And right next to us. And I can't think of a more politically acceptable country to make fun of. Interestingly enough, for all these people I've heard about that have problems with me taking Canada to task, not a one has come to talk to me about it. I would relish the opportunity, but I imagine any Canadian sympathizer is too passive to actually have a confrontation.

Presidential Elections Part 4.

After telling the Chief of the Sports and Entertainment Law Association that I was catching flack from The Machine about having so many posters up, he told me not to worry about it and to place the blame on him if any more shit came down the pipe. He told me he was originally planning on doing the same routine for some random 1L [which might have been hilarious if he would have picked someone with a low profile, something my penchant for whisky and flagrant comments precludes me from having around these parts], but when I told him of my mock anti-Canada campaign, he figured he'd run with it.

And he did not take kindly to the idea that the SBA would try to restrict his speech, or try to hold me accountable for his independent actions. I came out of the library and found this latest poster on the bulletin boards.



Well shit, if it wasn't on before, the Viceroy has officially been served.

By making fun of the process, I started something that has generated more interest in, and buzz about, the elections than they were ever able to muster on their own. I still think that's funny, but it's also sad and a bit of an indictment of how apathetic the student body here has become. And by paying attention to it, the SBA has only stoked the flames, should have just kept ignoring me.

Presidential Elections Part 3.

So the shit has hit the election fan. My joke, my comical quasi-not-really-if-you-read-the-fine-print campaign is taking on a life of its own, ruffling feathers, creating confusion, stoking a little bit of drama, and otherwise raising questions about the SBA Constitution and potentially eventually free speech.

I get to school today and the Sports and Entertainment Law guys had placed about 10-12 posters, all bearing my name, around the school.

The SBA election rules state that a candidate can only have 4 posters total, and that a candidate is responsible for all posters bearing his name. Even if a 3rd party put them up, you are responsible for those posters because that person became your agent upon using your name, and those posters count against your total. A violation of this rule is grounds for disqualification from the race.

Well, I don't know a whole lot about agency law, but I find it hard to believe that anyone can become my agent by merely putting my name on the damn poster. If that was the case, and I was actually running, I would (on the sly) tell someone to put up 100 posters with my opponent's name, rely on the plain and ordinary understanding of the election rules, and request they be disqualified.

In any event, Darth President and his Viceroy (otherwise known as the officially unopposed candidate) are none too pleased with the posters that were put up on my behalf because they lack the fine print language making clear that I'm not actually running for President. The Viceroy has made clear that the joke has gone too far, that he considers me "in the race" and that I need "to play by the rules." I tried convincing him that playing by "the rules" was only important if I actually was running, which I'm not. He's irritated, frustrated because people aren't taking the system serious and that at how my "campaign" is moving beyond my direct control.

I found the problem in the SBA Constitution just now. The Constitution provides that eligibility for office is based on gathering 25 student signatures and a letter of academic good standing from the Registrar, and submitting both forms to the President before the candidate registration due date. "Write in" candidates are allowed, but they must have satisfied all the form-requirements of a regular candidate, and submitted the forms to the President prior to the commencement of voting. This creates an opportunity for anyone who missed the first deadline to still be eligible for office, and still be allowed to campaign, but their name will not appear on the ballot.

So the big fuck-up of it all is that Darth President misapprehended the SBA Constitution and assumed "write ins" could be added to the ballot, regardless of whether that person had submitted the proper forms or not. When the first vote was cast, and no write-ins had submitted the proper forms, eligibility was set and it was pointless to include a write in section on the ballot. I am Constitutionally barred from holding an elected office on the SBA, so is anyone else not currently listed on the ballot. But because they have so clumsily handled it, I am operating in this strange limbo where it is not totally clear (to them or most anyone else) whether I am allowed to have posters up or not.

Furthermore, I'm still taking this lightly, all fun and games for me. But if push comes to shove, it's total bullshit if they try to restrict a 3rd party's political speech, regardless if they act in my name or not.

I recognize that all of this is, to a large extent, petty, inconsequential, obnoxious, and silly. But it really only became that when the SBA started taking the joke serious and failed to realize that my "campaign" can have absolutely no real impact on the outcome of the election.

Presidential Elections Part 2.

My campaign is picking up steam. I received an endorsement from a student group: the Sports and Entertainment Law Association. The group is comprised almost entirely of 3L guys from the kickball team I play on, but that matters not! They have chosen me to endorse. They are 100% behind my anti-Canada platform. In addition to sending out a message to their email list, their President has created this magnificent piece of material:



I told the heir apparent that if I manage to scrap together 10 votes, I'm declaring a moral victory. He told me if I manage to get 10% of the votes, he's no longer my friend. Leave it to a Canadian to get huffy-puffy about democracy in action.

Presidential Elections.

So SBA elections are going on now. Almost all of the positions are unopposed, save Vice President. While most of the position are inconsequential, SBA President actually packs some punch. Besides institutional powers such as appointing all Committee chairs, the President receives a big scholarship/tuition break. My friend is running unopposed for that spot, and he's a Canadian. Now I think he's running unopposed because most people either:

a) Don't care.
b) Don't think they can beat him.
c) Think he is the best person for the job.

I probably fall mostly into c). He gives a shit, he's competent, and he's been around the system for the past two years. That said, I was really disappointed that no one challenged him for the throne. In a ploy to exercise free speech, mock the system and the ridiculousness of so many unopposed positions, and to hopefully ruffle some feathers, I decided to run a mock campaign based solely on making fun of Canada. I have multiple posters that include a cross-out symbol of the Canadian flag, followed by a quote about or by Canadian, followed by my obnoxious and simple retorts.

Example: "Canadians do not like heroes, and so they do not have them."

~George Woodcock,

That would be followed by, "Have a hero! Vote for _____ for President." I have others, they're not much better.

And in order to prove to myself that people fail to read the fine print, the word "President" is followed by "ially appointed Social Chair" on every poster. So really, I'm not actually campaigning to be President, I already know my friend is going to appoint me to Social Chair, but I am looking to get a few votes just for shits and giggles.

Below is a poster another friend of mine made me, that I am going to hang up tomorrow. I am not going to put any words on it, and let the image speak for itself.